i never thought i'd do this but..

I cried after the exam today.

I don't do crying after exams.. Not because I'm a straight-A student who never loses a mark, but because, I never really get the urge to cry no matter how bad I do. I get depressed for a while, sleep, eat, and whiiiine endlessly. Make sure everyone knows I did bad. And of course the classic I think I'm gonna fail.. No I assure you I did so bad I'm gonna fail. People fail, why wouldn't I? which never happened el7amdillah.

During one of the exams, the doctor yelled at me while I was holding a patient's whole leg up high (to do Buerger's test). That was the lowest point in my short medical life. Yet when I was telling my friends what happened after the exam, I kept laughing hysterically, tears streaming down my cheeks, till one of my professors who thought I was sobbing came to me with a frantic look on his face and asked if I was okay..

Yeah. That's the kind of reaction I usually pull.

Back to today, so it was my internal medicine certifying clinical exam. We've been preparing for this exam for the last 7 weeks, since the beginning of the course. I made sure I covered most topics, especially the common ones.

I ended up getting a simple, uncomplicated case of sickle cell disease, which is veeeryy common here and the one thing you MUST/SHOULD/NEED to master. And I did.. I knew all there was to know about it. Not to mention, I got the same case for my 4th and 5th year clinical examinations.

Unfortunately, the discussion took another turn. Examiners ended up asking me about so many things I wasn't prepared for. The discussion sucked, the examination sucked, everything sucked. I knew I didn't deserve this. I'm a smart student and I work hard. I shouldn't be screwing up SICKLE CELL DISEASE!

I only needed the nice resident to ask me how I did to start crying.. I was shaking and gasping more than crying.

On our way to the next patient, she kept comforting me and reviewing important things with me. She was extremely sweet I wanted to hug her and tell her she rocks.

I did well in the short case, el7amdillah. Though one of the examiners was the kind who believed in "fatal mistake" (a mistake that gets you an instant F), but I was relaxed and determined to do well. I didn't want to end up screwing up both cases, and thank God I didn't.

I have two more finals coming up.. Big ones I might add. So you better keep praying for me! I really really really reallyyy need to graduate in June!