on dreams..

In The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch talked about achieving childhood dreams. He mentioned how he got to make some of his childhood dreams sort of come true, one way or another. It was very inspiring to read but it also made me realize, I don't have achievable childhood dreams.

I mean, sure, I wanted to be an artist, which was decided because of my drawing talent. I wanted to work at a supermarket (endless supply of candy), and of course, I wanted to have the adventurous life every Disney princess ever had, ahem, provided that I'd get Prince Charming and the happy ending. But that was it, I had never even dreamt of becoming a doctor as a kid, that decision came on relatively very late in my life.

I love cliche. I love how most of people's success stories start with "ever since I was a kid...". It makes me wish I had that kind of prologue to my story. I know it does not mean a lot, it does not change the fact that you can be either Superman or a janitor, but it would be nice to have it.

Years after getting over the fact that I had only started considering medicine in high school, I came across another new decision. My future career.

I graduated from medical school having one and only specialty in my head. I don't even have to say it cause I'm 104% sure each and every one of you, my 2 loyal readers and sister, know it.

I was smitten. One of my seniors even laughed so hard after I gushed about it and told me I sounded like I was talking about The One.

But life can be quite ironic, I have fallen in love with another specialty. I, Hind, have given up on OB/GYN and now declare family medicine as my new love.

And once again, I don't have history. I don't have a Chapter One that starts with "when I was a 3rd year med student..".

Two months ago, during my OB/GYN rotation, I kept convincing myself that this is what I wanted. That it didn't matter that I was miserable, or really stressed, all what mattered was that at some point in my life I loved it and that must not change. I loved working in the department, but I just did not want to keep doing it for the rest of my life. I was very unhappy and really confused. And then it hit me, I pushed my emotions aside (which is very hard to do, being me) and concentrated. I actually did that, I sat on my couch and focused, just like that. I made a lot of pro/con lists. I talked to almost every one of my seniors. Until I finally came to a conclusion.

Well, two conclusions.

No. 1 is that I'm a big drama queen and really must cool it down.

And conclusion no. 2 is that, maybe childhood dreams are overrated. It does not matter when you push the Start button. It is okay to change your mind, to have second thoughts, and even cold feet, as long as you are absolutely sure of what you love and makes you happy. Because then, you will really shoot for the moon, instead of just staring miserably at the sky.